Not long after IT happened my nephew Billy declared he was going to have a tattoo done for Pam. Dad ended up being the one who had one done. When the man began dad was struck by how big it was going to be but was too polite to say anything. At first it was a bit gulp inducing to see but dad is very proud of it. When I get an opportunity I'll get a better photo.
This was taken as autumn was setting in last year. That tree covers the entire garden with it's leaves. Today I planted some sunflowers seeds. I got a spade and turned the soil over and spread the little seeds and covered them with mulch to be precise. I hope they grow, those little seeds. I enjoyed it. I'm no gardener but last year a friend stayed here because I had to go back to England unexpectedly for Pam's memorial. 2008 then became the worst year of my life. He was a gardener and he gave me some lovely suggestions. He also told me that one half of a little tree died and he said it was Pam. I love you Pam and I am going to make my garden grow.
My dear sister, you had the most exquisite face. Your skin was like rose petals so soft and sweetly freckled. Your square jaw I wish I could cup it now in my hands. I wish we hadn't felt so weird touching. I regret now as I think of you how we could have held each other more. I remember when I was living in Liverpool you visited. I wanted to show you a field full of sunflowers all just standing at attention. We took photos of ourselves in front of them. Then we went for a walk and saw horses and a peacock. We found a clearing amongst some trees and I suggested we go and sit there and that you put your head in my lap. I stroked your hair and you tried to feel OK about it. Your gorgeous long, thick, dark hair which I stroked. Were you wearing white? You are now I think. Oh Pam, I remember we had a nice day in the sunshine and we went into a little church.
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