Pam would have been 50 today

Three and a half years ago I posted a photo of Pam looking like the Mona Lisa. I recorded myself singing the song made famous by Nat King Cole.  Then I sent the mp3 to my friend Andy and asked if he would record an accompaniment to it for the blog. He never got round to it. But today I heard my Ipad chime that I'd got a message, it was the accompaniment. Here it is... just in time for Pam's birthday.. My dad calls him 'Fingers'.. when he uses his fingers to play the piano he can do no wrong. Was she beautiful or what? Miss you Pam.

6 Years.. the anniversary of Pam's death July 3rd

Every year I make it a day of remembrance.  I take flowers, go into nature and leave them there for Pam.  This year we went to a tea room for lunch with mum and dad, then Ron and I (Dad can't walk far anymore) walked up to Derbyshire Level and sat amongst the heather.  Mum and Dad used to live there in a great big house.  Pam used to do a woman's hair in another house up there.  Pam told me the woman's mother had been murdered by Dr Shipman.

As I sat there with Pam's flowers something told me to turn round and look behind me.  The most delicate blonde grasses shimmered brightly like smiling faces, they seemed to be saying hello... Here are the photos.. you can just see the grasses in the photo of Ron..

And here's a photo of Pam looking beautiful as always..

Paako I love you.

It is now 2pm and it has been raining drizzle out all day. I am finally writing again after having been back in the UK for nearly 3 months. A blog friend said she missed my blogposts and that meant a lot. So here I am. Our dog Paako died not long after we got back. It all happened so fast. I'm still hurting. I keep being irritable as hell with my husband. He said maybe it's the anger. That's a good point. He's being so patient, as ever. And Paako was his dog. He had Paako from a pup for 11 years, I had him for 6. You'd think it was the other way around. Anyway I miss him so much. He was the best dog in the world. No really. He brought so much love into my life and that has been a huge help to me since Pam died. I hope he's with her now, she'll just love him. Everyone does. I can't believe he's gone. Here we are bonding when we first met.. 6 and a half years ago..I took this photo to send to Pam..