I made my dad some socks which I gave him when I visited home in the summer. When we were children dad would drive us up to Redcar to visit our grandparents and we always passed by an airfield. "What's that dad?!" we'd shout as we saw the wind sock blowing in the wind."It's my sock!" was always the answer. So every time we drove by that airfield we'd shout. "Look there's dad's sock!" My dad is so chuffed with these socks that I made for him.
Just over a year ago I put a post on here showing a lot of things that Pam knitted. Well since then I've knitted 3 pairs of socks, a hat, a scarf, a pair of fingerless gloves, a sweater and I'm in the process of making another sweater. I never would have thought it. There are a lot of things I never would have thought. Like my sister's death.. I think Pam would say Jane I told you you'd enjoy knitting. You never listen to me. It must have been hard being the youngest..
"All I want to do is lie quietly with my eyes closed and let the tears drip from my eyes. Try to come to terms with the death of my sister. The idea of her life slipping away rips me apart and tears me to pieces. Her hair, her beautiful hair gone. That hair that was her crowning glory that clogged up plug holes wiry, wiry hair. Now we won't see her aging like Angie and me. I'm going to watch her more from now on on videos, I'm going to look at her ashes like Angie who has held them in her hand. I'm going to look at it like those buddhist monks who meditate in burial grounds and face it."
I haven't looked at her ashes yet and I haven't watched her on videos hardly..
The perfect place to be on the anniversary. So peaceful and quiet up there. Ron suggested it the first year. Now it's our ritual. I take flowers from my garden. I noticed it's hard for me to leave the flowers and walk away so you can imagine how hard it is to leave my sister and walk away.. here are some photos.. oh and I saw a wild turkey!
In the early eighties our family home was robbed. We lived in a big white Victorian house
on Windsor Road in Newton Heath, Manchester. Pam was nineteen. She arrived home from work right in the middle of the robbery. She was in training to be a hairdresser
at Vidal Sassoon’s in Manchester.
She walked into the house and shouted out to see if anyone
was home. The house was in
darkness. There was no reply. She
turned on the light and went straight into the ‘downstairs toilet’ as we called
it, first on the right as you enter the house to take a pee. Or have a wee as we call it in
England. As she sat there she
watched herself in the mirror, singing in silly voices. She was such a sweet girl. She was the youngest. Throughout our childhood she would
spend hours alone in her room.
Finishing in the toilet she plunged into the darkness of the
kitchen then into the cloakroom to hang up her coat when something moved. A man put his hand over her mouth.
‘Shut up or I’ll shoot you.’ He had a stocking over his head and he shoved a
sawn off shotgun in Pam’s back. Her legs collapsed beneath her so he and two other men with stockings on
their heads dragged her into the living room.
They told her to lie on the floor while one of them closed
the curtains. Another pulled out the telephone cord and tied her up. She thought she would be raped. The man asked her where the safe was. There was indeed a safe in the house
behind our father’s bed. Dad was a
very hard worker, a builder, who came home exhausted and would often be in bed
by eight o clock. She pictured dad
in his bed. The man asked ‘Do you know the combination?’ She told him where the
safe was but that she didn’t know the combination. Horror and guilt flooded over her. All 3 men disappeared upstairs. At this point she was able to give more attention to our
lilac point Siamese cat Charlie with whom she had a special bond. All the while he’d been sitting by her
head. His pinky, blue eyes and
white fur gave her a sudden surge of comfort. He stayed by her side
throughout. She could hear banging
upstairs like sledgehammers hitting a wall. After this the men came downstairs carrying the safe. ‘Don’t move for an hour or we’ll shoot
you.’And with that they left. Pam
and Charlie sat and waited. After
a few minutes of this Pam decided to move. She ran out of the house to one of the big old houses next
to ours, one that was now a nursing home for the elderly. She saw the nurses through the window
sitting in the kitchen laughing and smoking. She ran inside her heart beating fast. ‘Hello Pam what’s up love?’ said Norma
the large burly woman who owned the place. Pam couldn’t speak she tried to but nothing would come out
until one of the nurses laughed. A sudden fury erupted in Pam and out it came at last. One word. Gun!
The police told us that they knew who it was. Thank god that dad on this rare
occasion was out. My sister Angie
was a model and she was working that night at a boxing match. She had to walk round after each round
in a bikini displaying the number of the round on a little board. Since dad was an avid boxing fan he’d
gone with her to watch the match.
Pam was a big animal lover. One of the books I found at her house was called When Elephants Weep, she urged me to read it but I never did. I still have the book. This elephant whisperer recently died and all the elephants that he had saved (from being shot for being pests, they were violent and hated humans) walked for 12 hours to his home to pay their respects. How did they know?
This blog is about me and my sister Pam who was killed age 43 in a plane crash on July 3rd 2008 along with the instructor Charlie and her husband Keith who was learning to fly. These stories and thoughts keep me close to her, it's her shrine.