Saturday, January 24, 2009

Pain


My father regularly throws himself out of bed during the night because he's dreaming that he's being chased. My mother regularly wakes up in the night because my dad is hitting her on the head or trying to strangle her. He's dreaming that he is fighting with someone. In one dream he said he was hitting this guy's head with a spatula like the Three Stooges, only in reality it was mum's head. She tries not to sleep with him these days. Last July our lives were hit by an awful tragedy. His youngest daughter Pam, my closest sister was killed in Rhode Island. Lately I've been avoiding my dad. In the dream that is now life I was thinking back today to THAT WEEK. At her Bed & Breakfast, The Dragonfly Inn during the funeral, in the middle of the night there was a terrific crash. People came running. Dad had thrown himself out of bed. He knocked over the side table breaking it's glass top, a lamp and a dragonfly ornament. Mum cut her feet as she ran round the bed to help him. He was crying so hard they said. I had my ear plugs in as usual I didn't hear it. His grandson tried to help him. The next day he had a black eye and his nose looked like WC Fields. I can't stand to see him in pain. He wants to see me on the computer but I can't bear to see the pain in his face. I think I'm selfish.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Christmas without Pam


I'd better get it over with. My sister Pam was killed last July 3rd in a plane crash. She was my soul mate. Here we are without her. She was sorely missed. We love you Pam! It is excruciating. I want to write more about her and show you how beautiful she is but not right now.