My father regularly throws himself out of bed during the night because he's dreaming that he's being chased. My mother regularly wakes up in the night because my dad is hitting her on the head or trying to strangle her. He's dreaming that he is fighting with someone. In one dream he said he was hitting this guy's head with a spatula like the Three Stooges, only in reality it was mum's head. She tries not to sleep with him these days. Last July our lives were hit by an awful tragedy. His youngest daughter Pam, my closest sister was killed in Rhode Island. Lately I've been avoiding my dad. In the dream that is now life I was thinking back today to THAT WEEK. At her Bed & Breakfast, The Dragonfly Inn during the funeral, in the middle of the night there was a terrific crash. People came running. Dad had thrown himself out of bed. He knocked over the side table breaking it's glass top, a lamp and a dragonfly ornament. Mum cut her feet as she ran round the bed to help him. He was crying so hard they said. I had my ear plugs in as usual I didn't hear it. His grandson tried to help him. The next day he had a black eye and his nose looked like WC Fields. I can't stand to see him in pain. He wants to see me on the computer but I can't bear to see the pain in his face. I think I'm selfish.
I felt like I was at a wedding last night watching Mr & Mrs President. I always found the dancing part at a wedding embarrassing. I suppose that's my inbred Englishness. Last night, squirming, I tried to imagine watching our Gordon Brown up there smooching. What a 'Great Gump' (to coin one of my sister Pam's expressions) he would look. Actually come to think of it, I'd bloody love to see Gordon up there dancing and smiling his own special smile. Or not, erm.... well no, probably not, no. The only thing that touched me (which Pam would have liked) was the singer, Beyonce. What a lovely voice. I've never heard her sing. I thought she was stunning. When she was interviewed later she said of Obama, 'he makes me want to be a better person'. Followed by a sharp intake of breath from me. Oh God, it is going to be interesting to see this one unfold.
As they say I'm sorry for your loss. I have not enjoyed hearing that phrase these last six months. It is unreal. I know how you feel John. We are in the same boat now. No one wants to be in this boat. No one.
I'd better get it over with. My sister Pam was killed last July 3rd in a plane crash. She was my soul mate. Here we are without her. She was sorely missed. We love you Pam! It is excruciating. I want to write more about her and show you how beautiful she is but not right now.
I am so sick of seeing the word 'simply' involved in advertising. Simply organic, simply this or simply that. My heart sinks when I see yet another product described as simply....whatever! The worst,worst one is Marks and Spencer's 'Simply Food'. Simply Food? It's simple. I was simply eating a multigrain cracker the other day when I spotted this on the packaging. "We invite you to experiment with our products. These original tastes are perfect for a variety of occasions, from informal snacking to hosting guests around a dinner table." Who the hell came up with informal snacking? What a great idea? To snack informally! Why didn't I think of that? I wish you all a glorious year of informal snacking. It's so simple. And don't get me started on edible arrangements grrrrr!
This blog is about me and my sister Pam who was killed age 43 in a plane crash on July 3rd 2008 along with the instructor Charlie and her husband Keith who was learning to fly. These stories and thoughts keep me close to her, it's her shrine.