Pam and Matt

 It is not for me to say whether Pam should have married Matt or he she for that matter.

Matt pursued Pam for 7 years. Always showing up on her doorstep when she lived at Primrose Lane. Knocking on her door no matter how many times she told him not to. Pam wasn’t interested in Matt, not in THAT way. But well his persistence paid off and they became friends. Not much else was going on for Pam in the men department, nothing much was ever going on for Pam in the men department. Not really.

One thing in his favour was the fact that he had a good sense of humour in his shy way and Pam was funny. Bloody funny. They giggled together a lot. Catchphrases developed, funny voices and nicknames for pets and each other. Both of them big animal lovers. They called each other 'Corky' a lot, I don't know why. I'll have to ask him.

Matt is a dairy farmer and lives on a farm in a cottage next to the big house where his long-widowed mother lives. In a nutshell this was the problem for Pam when they married. Oh she loved living on a farm but NOT WITH THE MOTHER this was too literally 'in a nutshell'. Pam didn’t do ‘family in close proximity’ very well particularly not mothers. In fact Pam could have done without in-laws altogether. So for this and perhaps other reasons she stuck it out for a year and then she left the farm and the marriage.

During Pam and Matt's friendship the TV show Wallace and Gromit was very much on the scene. One day I was walking down Glossop High Street when I spotted a life-sized cardboard cut out of Wallace and Gromit in the window of the local building society. Blimey I thought, he’s the spitting image of Matt! I couldn’t wait to tell Pam and when I did she was tickled pink. Even Matt saw it to our delight and as we pondered on this likeness we realized that Matt was like Wallace in every way. He not only looked like Wallace, he even had the big hands, he talked like him and had very similar habits. Yes Matt too was particularly partial to a spot of Wensleydale cheese.

So from then on they talked of themselves as Wallace and Wendolene and even named their two bantam hens the same names. Pam could often be heard shouting,"Wallace!" and the hen would come running.

Pam and Matt had a lovely connection regardless of their disastrous marriage. I asked Matt a few weeks ago for some memories and he sent me this email,

“Hi Jane,

Two little memories both in April.  When Pam lived on Primrose Lane I picked her a huge bunch of fresh yellow daffodils, she told me it was as if the sun had come to rest in her room. In April I start to spread fertilizer on the fields. In one field near the reservoir she came with me, we were both cramped in the tractor cab, the sun was shining, and we both started to hum the theme tune to Wallace and Gromit! We often laughed about that. Whenever I spread in that field I always smile and think of Pam.

Take care Matt xx”

Sweets

When we were children Pam looked up to me like I was a superstar and she was just a lowly fan. She would stare at me at everything I did like she wanted to be me and it drove me mad. Every Sunday afternoon mum gave us money to go and buy sweets from Chuddies which we called Stacey's. Us three girls would walk up Seymour Road to the shop. Angie was on her own time but me I'd have Pam's eyes glued to me. In the shop Pam eyed me carefully. Mr Chuddy or Stacey would serve us kindly. But he knew the score between me and Pam. He always served me first, well I was the oldest. My order was always the same. An orange ice cream with a chocolate flake in it and a quarter of American cream soda. 'And what can I get for you Pam?' But Mr Chuddy or Stacey knew exactly what her order was that's why he was always smiling to himself. An orange ice cream with a flake and a quarter of American cream soda please. I would sigh helplessly no use saying stop copying me, Mr Chuddy or Stacey would just laugh.

As we walked back down Seymour Road Pam would watch me eating my ice cream always making dead sure that she ate hers much slower than me. She wanted me to finish before her. Once I had no sweets left Pam looked at me carefully with a glint of real satisfaction as she slowly dipped her finger in her sherbet licking it off so so slowly, her finger stained red.

When Pam started junior school she often sent a friend over to me at playtime to tell me Pam was in the girls toilets crying and she wanted me. This new development to school life was cramping my style.  But I would go reluctantly to sort out the trouble. One time I had this friend called Deborah. I didn't really want her as a friend but she wanted me. She was a bit rough in my book but I hadn't quite managed to shake her off yet. So one day Pam's friend came to get me and when Deborah heard the news that Pam was crying she linked my arm severely hard and said, 'Come on Jane!' She dragged me over to the troubled spot and thumped some young kid in the arm making them cry. Not my style at all I was more of a reason with both parties involved type. The next day I got hauled into Pam's classroom by her teacher Mrs Cook who humiliated me in front of all the younger kids. Mrs Cook had disliked me ever since I'd been in her class 3 years earlier when I was 8 like Pam was now. One time she shouted at me,'Jane Lancaster all you're interested in is rings!' I wore a ring on every finger, well it was the sixties. One of them was a big navy blue flower, I loved that ring. Mrs Cook was orrible with her long straight blonde hair, her mini skirt and American tan tights. I wonder what sweets Angie is sucking in this photo? I bet they're Opal fruits.