Thursday, September 15, 2011

Monsters from the Id

Pam on a trip to Redcar in a red coat. 
 Dad's parents, mum and Pam.


  1. your mum & that what you're saying, seeing?

  2. Cute video! =)

  3. Thanks Hope and thanks for visiting!

  4. so...the subtext....
    inquiring minds need to know.

  5. well my mum never got on with her mother in law.. take a look at her expression.. ha ha!

  6. hi jane,

    i just wanted to pass along something.

    mind you, this is the state of our virtual lives, when one (me) hears something in the therapist's office, and one's first thought is--i must tell jane.

    the therapist was talking about loss and grief, and said that when his dog dies he experienced great loss but that the grief process has been relatively straight-forward; he loved the dog, the dog loved him, they were great pals for 18 years. it's been almost a year now, he still thinks of his dog everyday.'s uncomplicated grief.

    however, he said, complicated grief is very different. loss in which the feelings on either or both sides were unexpressed; or there was great distance, either emotional or geographic; if there was an element of relief to the grief (say, someone had been ill and suffering ); loss in a divorce, where love and hate and grief get all jumbled together; or in a sudden, unexpected death. he said, in these situations where loss is complicated, then grief is complicated. long, difficult, mutable, and for which there are no rules.
    so. this is to say that, as we've touched on before, timelines and 'acceptable' degrees of numbness/anger/depression/etc etc have no relevance. we grieve as long and as deeply as we need to.

    much love to you,


  7. Susan what a relief to read these words. It is complicated and unpredictable and I just have to go into denial a lot I think to live. Because it is so very unbelievable to me. Inconceivable and devastating. Thanks Susan for thinking of me. How wonderful to have support like this from you. I'm still reeling from someone recently using Pam's death as an example to compare to something in her life that was so inappropriate I could just scream. Oh god Susan sometimes! I am so aware that I might be playing the victim here and I so don't want to be defined as the woman who's sister died but still it's hard when people say things.

    love to you and much gratitude for you understanding,